If someone were to ask you, “Are you happy right now?” how would you answer?
I would say “YES” without a moment’s hesitation. I am truly glad to be alive. I am glad to be who I am. And I want to live my life as myself. This is something I feel every time my birthday comes around.
But it wasn’t always this way. From the outside, people might think, “Well, you have a loving family, you live in a great area, and you have a steady job—of course you’re happy.” But that’s not quite it, either.
1. Embracing a Multicultural Identity
I spent my childhood up until the age of twelve in three different countries: Japan, Taiwan, and Papua New Guinea. Each has happy memories for me. But when I returned to Japan at twelve, I experienced—for the first time—the feeling that “I can’t be who I am if I am to be accepted.”
I was Japanese and I spoke the language, but I didn’t fit in. I felt I had no place to belong. If I acted as freely as I always had, I sensed that others didn’t quite know how to be with me. So, I spent my junior high and high school years desperately trying to blend in.
During university I met others who had grown up between cultures. I realized that I possessed an identity distinct from standard Japanese values and cultural perspectives. That didn’t mean I identified solely with Western values, either. I realized that was okay. My identity was a “third culture kid,” where my value and culture were a blend of both the east and the west. This was the first realization that allowed me to feel happy as I was.
2. Discovering “Feminine Energy”
The word “feminine energy” held no interest for me. I was someone who wanted to prove I was just as good as, or better than guys around me. I hated concepts like “ladylike” or “feminine.” However, my perspective shifted when a mentor redefined feminine energy as “the power to generate, the power to bring something into being.”
Everyone possesses this “feminine energy”—including me. It came out through creating space for hospitality and welcoming others. It manifested itself as music and art, and as spontaneous play. And in my 30’s, through pregnancy and childbirth, this became a literal experience of bringing a human being into the world. To me, feminine energy is a force that is powerful, raw, sometimes destructive, sometimes healing—a force that allows things to manifest as they should. I felt this on a physical level through menstruation, pregnancy, and birth, and I continue to experience it through creating my own expressions in music and yoga classes.
3. Acceptance Through Yoga
The third pillar is the practice I learned through yoga: observing things as they are, letting them be, and then being empowered to choose what I truly want to do.
It is okay to be me. Whatever I am feeling right now—even if it is anger, sadness, or envy—it is okay. I am experiencing those things as a human being. When I allow those feelings to just exist, what I truly want to do gradually becomes clear.
Living with Intention
Times were incredibly difficult with my family during the early baby years, and through times of sickness. But even while crying or screaming, I chose—one by one—the things I truly wanted to do. I kept being honest, and reaching out for help that allowed me to choose what I wanted and who I wanted to be. That is how I became who I am today.
Happiness isn’t dictated by external circumstances; it is about loving yourself and being at ease in your own skin, in this world. Perhaps turning 40 has helped me organize these experiences into a cohesive understanding. I believe these three secrets—being someone between cultures, embracing my feminine energy, and loving and allowing myself to be just as I am—will continue to deepen in various ways.
The definition of happiness might be different for everyone, but for me, a major barometer is the sense of peace that comes from knowing it’s okay to be me.
What does happiness mean to you?