Winter is almost over! As I look ahead to spring, I’m reminded of how important winter was. It was a time to root myself. To store nourishment and energy. To rest. To get a sense of direction for where I am going. And when I do that well, I’m able to open up and flourish once spring is here, like the trees and plants do.
I experienced a lot these past two months. Being in the US over the holidays reminded me of how I have that free-spiritedness within. My intention for the year became “whimsical melody,” and I’ve found that especially in writing and playing music. I’ve gotten into the habit of writing out my intention, daily reminders of truths, and goals for the day as I start out my day. Those things have all been good.
But I’ve also experienced fear and resistance. Even though I know what I really want, the actions I take sometimes contradict that. Over-eating, over-watching, too much information, over-doing when I’m already spinning. When I start that downward spiral, it’s easy to judge myself and start comparing myself to others. I feel insecure and doubt everything I’m doing.
Usually, I would have waited till I got to my good place and went on as usual. But this time around, I started to recognize that there is this resistance in me, a part of me that’s scared to change. I know how to work extra hard, and that’s been my default mode. So it’s been easier to control the situation by doing what I’m able to do, which is working extra hard. It’s as if I’m expecting to fail by making myself do what I know is not life-giving, and comparing myself to others who are succeeding.
I want to be more free. I want to go with the flow more. And in order for that, I need to be able to trust the flow. As I sat on the grass, feeling the earth underneath me, I realized how much I needed to be reminded that I am held, that I am loved, that who I am is enough, and I can trust what is unfolding. When I know my way back to that truth, I can let go of fear.
The earth grounded me and spoke to me. I know I may float away again, but I can always return when I know where to come back to, both physically and within